Spartan Preparedness Training
Here we go again for the last time…
40/20, That’s it!!
- Mtn. Climbers
- Plank Jacks
- Plank Climbers
Run 400 meters
Then get over to the field and drag a brick 100m, perform 15 Thrusters. We run to the beach, pour sand into bucket and run to the wooden stairs. On the stairs perform stadium hops up the stairs and bear crawl down the stairs. Grab the buckets back up to the starting point n the beach, run back to the field then back pedal the cinder block to the start position and back again to the Rink
- Alt split jumps
- Tuck jumps
Run 400 meters
On ther second run to the beach, bear crawl 100 meters and perform push-ups. We run to the beach, pour sand into bucket and run to the wooden stairs. On the stairs perform stadium hops up the stairs and bear crawl down the stairs. Grab the buckets back up to the starting point on the beach, run back to the field then back pedal the cinder block to the start position and back to the rink. Tag your partner and then he/she will perform the above routine. Till the winner rises to the top. Let’s Kill this!!!! This will definately seperate the men/women from the boy’s/girl’s.
Senior Vice President with an American Express Gold Card
by The Finance Guido
The Finance Guido loves nothing more than when a “big dog” decides to throw his credit card down on the bar to run a tab. I become like Pavlov’s dog and start drooling over the ability to order a $7 beer. You see the Finance Guido generally drinks the cheapest beer at any bar. You can ring the bar towel into a glass so long as it only costs me two big ones. If it comes in a can, I will take two. But, when a head honcho with Managing Director potential comes strolling into the bar you can hold the Natty Light because I am drinking Stella tonight, so keep them coming.
The excitement level in the bar quickly rises when this walking disaster strolls into the bar in his Cole Haan shoes and Faconnable shirt knowing that I will be taking money out of his Nanny fund this evening. Hey, look at the bright side, his wife will actually have to wake up before noon or actually remember her kids’ names.
Logistically, you may think it is hard to take advantage of a Senior Vice President (“SVP”). You must be thinking, “SVP, sounds like an important title this guy must be smart.” But, his desire to impress overtakes his brain and before long, it is the beginning of the end. After you order the first drink the other cheap bastards (like me) can smell an open tab like a shark smelling blood or a Guido smelling Ma’s gravy on the stove. The air becomes filled with that sweet aroma of sucker and you can move in for the kill. The SVP wants everyone to see that he can afford the $125 annual fee to be the proud user of an American Express Gold Card. The ability to show off in front of a bunch of girls he couldn’t sleep with even if he looked like Antonio Sabato, Jr. is too hard to resist. When the SVP is using this card, he has a full head of non-graying hair, he has lost that FUPA (Fat Upper Penis Area) and no longer suffers from the Irish curse. Fully engaged in this transformation, the SVP is chomping at the bit to be the first to put his card down on the bar.
Soon, without fail, every skirt this side of Staten Italy has descended upon the bar to feast their eyes on this endangered species. Guidos have smartened up over the years, we no longer pay for a broad’s nails or highlights. We don’t have to anymore – our game has gotten that tight. So, when this non-Guido SVP is around, the skirts see their opportunity to take him for all he is worth. As this occurs, the Finance Guido seizes his opportunity. It is time to sneak to the edge of the bar and get the bartender’s attention to utter the greatest words in the English language, “Yeah, Nicky you can put this on that SVP’s tab, he is too stupid to realize it. Oh yeah, Nicky do me a favor buy Gina a white zinfandel on that SVP also.” By the time the SVP realizes what has happened to him, the NYPD has already set up the “Caution” tape and he is being swabbed for the Rape Kit. The poor guy has to crawl home (who I am kidding the guy probably takes a town car the ten blocks to his apartment) to his wife and two sleeping kids with a $300 receipt.
In the meantime, you are walking twenty blocks to the PATH train with the same $20 your great Aunt gave you for your Holy Communion. You don’t care if he gets divorced; you just want the free beer. So, whenever you see an SVP walk into the bar, raise a glass because that idiot is definitely going to get worked over tonight.